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The church
may be the only institution that shoots its
wounded.”
Divorce, grace, and us
NAD EDITION
ADVENTIST REVIEW, APRIL 7, 1988 pg, 5
When I was
young, church was a place of special significance for me, as it
has been for most of the years of my adult life,” one Christian
woman reflects. “But at the time of the divorce, I found the
church I was in to be of no real help; in fact, I felt myself
distinctly unwelcome… I have since changed Churches, and things
are better.”
1
She
also recalls an exchange between herself and a Christian
relative. He assured her of his family’s love and interest and
then added, “’But we don’t believe in divorce.’ To which I
quickly responded, ‘And do you think I do?2
Nobody wants to fail, Especially not at marriage. Especially
not if you’re a Seventh-day Adventist. Marriage and the Sabbath
are “Twin institutions,” as Ellen White put it.3 They
are two of God’s gifts that Adam and Eve took with them from
Paradise. 4
Adventists rightly want onece-in-a-lifetine marriages and homes
where a bet of heaven is transplanted. Yet in recent years we
have more fully recognized that happy, successful marriages
don’t just happing. They result from love—and hard work. And
they need nurture.
Most
of our colleges now provide seminars for engaged couples.
Enrichment courses revitalize relationships for the already
married. Another benefit of these programs is that alert leaders
may spot conflicts and encourage couples to get help.
But
what happens when a marriage cannot be saved? At times we are
mare concerned about haw we feel and how the church looks than
about the individuals themselves.
I
confess that I have reacted this way myself. Instead of grieving
with those suffering untold devastation. I found myself
torpedoing them with questions. “How can you give up a
marriage? Have you prayed? Have you counseled? Can’t you do
something else?” I added to their distress rater than relieving
it.
(It’s
true that some people do move precipitously—refusing to seek
qualified spiritual and psychological counseling, giving up on
hard situations that might be turned around with time and
professional help. On the other hand, a speedy separation should
be sought when a marriage involves physical abuse.)
But,
in fact. My reactions had less to do with how a couple was
working through their personal guilt and loss than with how I
was dealing with my belief system. I was stumbling on the old
dilemma between “accepting” and “condoning “ If I offered
friendship, sympathy, and personal support, would I be condoning
divorce?
Jesus’
own actions provide insight for such questions. To the men who
masterminded this outrageous seduction and exploitation—He did
not offer censure, but compassion. To the woman who’d had five
husbands (and divorces) and a live-in lover, Jesus offered the
water of life.
Recently I hard an Adventist marriage counselor on a radio
broadcast. She spoke of the incredible distress divorcees among
us feel. I was stunned as she added, “The church may be the only
institution that shoots its wounded.”
“Divorcees and the Church,” the feature article beginning of age
18 offers a different model. It is a compassionate and
redemptive model. It takes grace out of the textbooks and
infuses it into hurting lives. It is compatible, I believe, with
Jesus’ actions and with His word “For God did not send his Son
into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world
through him” (John 3:17m BUV)
REFERENCES
- Carole
Sanderson Streeter, Finding Your Place After Divorce
(Grand Rapids: Zondervan Pub. Horse, 1986). P. 144.
-
Ibid, p. 46
3 Thoughts
From the Mount of Blessing. P. 63.
4
See Patriarchs and
Prophets. P. 46. |
